So, I would guess that the unflattering term that is most applied to me by those among whom the ranks of my fans do not swell, is “bitch.”

(I’m sure that’s not the only unflattering term that has been been bandied about, only the most common.)

And I can live with that, actually.

I have always felt as though being called a bitch means I won.

And I can be.  A royal bitch on wheels.  I expect people to do their best, to at least put forth effort.  I can hold feet to the fire, and I am capable of spite.  I’ve learned, I think, as I have aged that spite usually brings on regret for the action, so I have learned to do it rarely, but be assured, I consider it often.  I just choose to be an adult about it.

Don’t you hate that, when you have to be an adult?  You work yourself up into a good hissyfit (and isn’t that one of the English languages best words ever?), pledging revenge and dire consequences for the foolish sap who has crossed or annoyed you, and then someone reminds you, gently or not, that you really CAN’T do this wonderful thing you have thought up because it’s really not fair, it’s not that bad, it would be unkind, etc., and you have to go, oh, all right, dammit, I won’t do it…

So, I think the qualities most people would ascribe to bitchiness is a certain unkindness of spirit.  I often say my friend Ms Kendra is kinder than I, and it is true.  I can be kind, and often am, more than I am unkind, but I am less likely to let poor behavior pass.

It’s also, I suspect, about making sure that the losing party recognizes the loss, to, perhaps, rub their noses in it a bit, and that is another impulse I have.  I control it, mostly, but it’s there.

Someone once called me “Miss Perfect,” and meant it as a genuine insult, though I thought it was rather a weak one.  I do think I’m Miss Perfect, on some level.  I know, on a more profound and meaningful level that I am not, to be clear.  So, another quality might be superiority.  I claim that one, too.

One of the changes in the world that disturbs me most is the celebration of mediocrity.  You’ve seen it.  Every single child who enters the race “wins,” because “no one is a loser.”  Because we believe it is unkind to point out that someone did poorly, it also makes it impossible to acknowledge the exceptional as well.

No one can do especially well because that would mean that the others did poorly and that might make someone feel badly.

I am not suggesting that we point fingers at children and tell them they are losers, but I think saying, it takes work and effort and practice to excel delivers an important message, one probably more effectively and kindly delivered when learned during a foot race at seven as opposed to on their first job at 25 when an employer expects them to work and work hard in order to advance.

So, I think that we don’t do anyone a service by telling them that half-assed is just fine and dandy.

Or, perhaps I use that as justification.  That’s also possible.

So, am I a bitch, or am I merely demanding?

I suppose the answer lies in where my focus is turned and whether or not you like me.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on July 10, 2012, in Dominance, Kink and BDSM. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. i would say you are “merely demanding.” 🙂 And in a nice way.

    FYI, i gave you a One Lovely Blog award. Here are the rules:

    ~ Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
    – Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.
    – Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.
    – Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them.

    You don’t have to keep it going, of course, but i wanted to let you know.


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