Unreasonable Expectations

Perhaps that should be “Unreasonable Expectations?”  Question mark and all.

I am wondering if my expectations are too high too often.  I got some information today that made me think that.

Not terrible news at all, something that is actually the outcome that I preferred and thought was the best option, and something I expected, too.  I think it will end up being a learning experience for everyone involved, myself as well, and that’s a good thing to take away.

But it made me think.

I don’t think I expect more of others than I expect of myself.  That is said, by the way, with a genuine sense of self-examination, not as an arch justification.  I don’t *think* that I do.  I have fairly high expectations for myself.  I take on a lot of responsibilities.  I follow through with them.  I expect the same of others.

And yet, I am often disappointed.

I think in the most recent case, a good deal of the blame rests on me.  In personal relationships, I think I’m pretty good at laying out my expectations, because I am very explicit.

The first time someone goes to an event with me, for instance, I will tell them exactly what I expect.  I will tell them their wardrobe should be black slacks or jeans, not blue, black t-shirts or long sleeved dress shirts.  T-shirts will have no advertising on them, and the only writing allowed is from other events, or ones with kinky sayings.

I spell out the shoes, and for how many days they will need to be prepared.  I tell them what manners I expect, the protocols I expect them to follow, and how and how much I will want them to serve me.

I will give them very detailed information, because I have learned that doing so is the best way to assure I get what I want.  In this situation, I simply expected that they would do what seemed reasonable to me, what seemed to be a reasonable expectation, but to be perfectly fair, I didn’t really spell those out.

That was my error, and one I will not let happen again, at least not in that situation.  I’ll make mistakes in the future, clearly, but I learned something and I think the cost will turn out to have been fairly painless.

I need to bear in mind that spelling out expectations is my role, when I am the one in charge.

As the dominant, that’s part of my role, a good part of it.  I say in classes I give often that if you cannot spell out what it is you want, it is unlikely that you are going to find it.

I forgot that and that is my error, no one else’s.


About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on July 17, 2012, in Dominance, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. i’ve got to tell you, just reading this makes me anxious.

    Yes, i know it wasn’t me who let you down {it wasn’t me, right???} i know it couldn’t have been me. i haven’t seen you and you haven’t told me to do anything and ~ and ~ i’m not even your submissive! It can’t be me.

    But it still makes me anxious.

    You Dominants. Scary people.



    • What would be really entertaining to know is, how many other submissive-types out there, upon reading this, did a quick self-check, too.

      “Wait, was I supposed to do something? Did I forget? Did I miss it? Is it me?”

      And no, dear readers, I seriously doubt it was any of you. And, as is usually the case, I doubt that even had that source read this blog, it would even have occurred to ask, “Wait, is that me?”

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