Confidence or Conceit

If called upon to describe myself, I would tell you that, among other things, I was confident.  I have faith in myself, in my decisions, in my ability.  On the other hand, the other side of confidence can be conceit, and where do we draw the line?

I have never been a fan of the concept of female superiority.  Honestly, any noun followed by the word “superiority” makes me nervous.  I don’t think any group of people is superior or inferior.

On the other hand, I do believe I am superior.  Doesn’t that sound conceited?  It’s true, though.

I believe that I am smarter and more aware, that I pay more attention, that I have a long history of making good decisions.  If I believed in female superiority, for instance, than I would have to believe that all women are also superior and therefore equal to me.  I do not believe that.

I do not believe, either, that I am the most superior.  That would be foolish and, dare I say it, conceited.

But, to get back to the point, what’s the difference between confidence and conceit?

Confidence seems like a positive quality, conceit seems like a negative one.

Maybe part of the difference is that confidence does allow for self-doubt, while conceit seems not to allow that.

I may not show it, but I do question myself often, and maybe it’s more about questioning than doubting.  I rarely make serious decisions without asking myself if that’s the right thing, if I could have done better, did I miss something?  Sometimes the answer is yes, but more often, the answer is, No, I don’t think I could have.

Interestingly, that self-questioning rarely happens in situations of play.  In those situations, perhaps I am conceited because I believe myself to be very very good at what I do.  I pay attention to the people with whom I play, their reactions, their body language, and I am very confident in my skills.

I think confidence and even a bit of conceit, is part and parcel of dominance.  If I don’t believe I am superior, then why would I expect you to kneel in front of me, to do as I ask, to allow me to make choices for you, to do things to you, to control you, to take the power you offer up to me?

Even the prince kneels before the queen.

It seems to me, from my obviously dominant perspective, that a dominant who isn’t at least a little bit conceited, at least a little unshakably sure of themselves is probably a dominant who doesn’t appeal to something intrinsic in the submissive, either.

So am I confident or conceited?

I’m both, of course.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on July 18, 2012, in Dominance, Kink and BDSM, Submissives. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. First, that final comment made me giggle.

    I think that line betwixt and between is pretty darned flexible…depending on the issue at hand, the perspective(s) of those involved, and the level of passion engendered by one or both (or all) parties….

    Sometimes it does bug me, the Dominant “conceit”..but that which *I* sometimes call “conceit ” may be because I’m not getting my way (yes, hard to believe, I am sometimes a pouty submissive–it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.), when in reality, it is His calm confidence that he is making the decision that He makes. (whatever the issue at hand is)

    Mostly, I understand and comply when He flexes that Confidence muscle…because as you point out, you lay out your position after careful thought. .I think that, too, is a Dominant trait…to make a considered, thoughtful examination of the facts at hand, and then decide.


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