I had someone ask me very lately about punishment.
It was hard for him, he said, because his “emotions” always got in the way when he was going to punish his girl.
My advice wasn’t that helpful, I suspect, because I’m not big on punishment, per se.
You punish for willful disobedience, or lack of attention when you should expect it, things that are either deliberate or so avoidable as to BE deliberate. You don’t punish for mistakes, and you don’t punish for fun.
Because, see, if you punish for fun, it’s no longer punishment, and that’s fine, but just call it what it is, play.
I told him, too, that you don’t threaten punishments that you can’t mete out. If you say, if you do X, then I will do this Y, then, should X occur, you had best be damned well prepared and willing to do Y.
If I should ever say to a slave that if they do X, then I will release them, then I absolutely guarantee that if they do X, I will release them.
Because I don’t say things like that lightly or without careful consideration, so if you do it, I shall certainly follow through.
Don’t make dramatic and extravagant promises that you are either unable or unwilling to carry out. It sets a bad precedent.
Don’t give an order you know won’t be obeyed, unless you expect that and there’s a purpose. I have once or twice told a submissive wearing my collar to do – or not do – something that I expected that they would NOT do – or DO – because that particular issues was a deal breaker, or it was behavior that was problematic enough that another instance of it was unacceptable in the extreme.
In the two cases I can think of, long ago, back in my early days of such things, the submissive did the expected thing and their collar was removed.
I think that we both knew the outcome when the order was given, I knew that they would not obey, and they knew it, too, so the relationship was really already over.
In any case, however, I was absolutely prepared to follow through with my threat, although that’s not a word I like. I had thought through the consequences and weighed them before I made my statements.
Promising punishment in anger is a mistake.
I told him that I often say that you can be a good Top or dominant if you can’t stand to be the bad guy, but you cannot be a Master. Masters say things that slaves and submissives do not want to hear, they ask for things they do not want to give, they require things that do not please.
I don’t like having a submissive angry or unhappy. It’s no fun.
I suspect that many of you who are parents might recognize that sentiment. It’s always better when everyone is happy, but sometimes that’s not possible, and principles and standards are important enough a goal to make it worth sacrificing for them.
A slave may think that they have the worst of it, but trust me, a pissed off slave is no fun to live with.