Questions for Dominants 07

I finally feel pretty much back to normal, after a three hour nap yesterday afternoon AND today, as well as a full night’s sleep last night.

So, back to the questions:

8.      How many collars have you given in your life?  What are your requirements for giving a collar?

I have given four collars all together in my life.

The first collar I gave was to my first submissive, Bill, because, well, that was what you did, right?

Bill was a nice enough man who would have been happier playing around, but that was ok, too.  He was around about six months, I think.

Then there was Gene, who also had a collar.  Gene was fun.  He was big and good looking and simple and liked pain pretty well and had the thinnest skin, literally, in the world.  I cut his arm with a flogger once, and not even a “sharp” one.

Gene was around at the beginning of the munch, and he was around six or eight months, anyway.

He was a graduate of West Point, so he was not dumb, but he was not an intellectual, either.

After that I was somewhat more selective.  The next collar I gave was to peter, who is an incredibly intelligent and NICE Indian professor from Wisconsin.

He taught me how to cane, and bought me one of my favorite toys, a leather school paddle, at Vicious Valentine one year.

I haven’t seen him in years, though we correspond occasionally.  He still calls me Mistress and signs his notes with love.  I never took back the collar, but I never saw a reason to, either.  In some strange way, it still works.

The last collar I gave was to slave thomas, and he has had two, one given each time he was mine.

The last time, he found a lovely circle collar, something that has to be closed with a tiny allen wrench.  It’s subtle and simple and I like it a lot.

This time, when I put it on him, I warned him that he needed to be very very sure this was what he wanted, because I didn’t intend to take it off again.

I meant that, too.  I don’t plan to remove it again.

Honestly, if he asked me for release, I would deny it, at least until there had been time enough to confirm that it was for the best and the right thing to do, but I don’t really foresee that.  I expect it to remain there.

That’s the four.  Interestingly, perhaps, slave drew’s name isn’t there.

I gave drew, years and years ago, not long after we’d met, a key chain that was engraved with the word “Owned.”  He’s carried that since, though I think the charm is so scratched from time that it’s hard to see the word.

That’s ok, I know it’s there.

So does he.

When I gave peter a collar, I asked drew if it would bother him, and his response was rather a snort.  I determined at that point in time that I wouldn’t give him a collar until and unless he asked for it, and he never has.

Interestingly, of course, he has a legal relationship to me, and we have much more entwined lives.  There’s never been a moment’s real doubt of what he was or who he belonged to; I think it was just something that didn’t matter to him because of how he came to it.

So, that’s the roll call of submissives.

Were I going to give a collar now, the most important requirement to me would be a belief that it represented a genuine and real relationship.

I wouldn’t give a collar to anyone that had not been serving me for a significant period of time, and I don’t know what that is, but it would be more than a few months, certainly.

A collar I gave now would be as much recognition of what had come before as an expectation of what would follow.

I would be unlikely to be swayed by the amount of proximity, either.  I mean, even if I spent 10 hours a day with you for three months, it’s still only three months, regardless.

I would have to have a real belief that I was unlikely to take that collar off, too.  I’m not fond of the concept of Velcro collars.

You give a collar with the same sense of seriousness and purpose that you give a marriage vow.

You expect it to be forever, even while recognizing that it may possibly not be.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 8, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I love hearing this point of view on collars. Thank you for sharing. And I’m so glad you are answering these questions. Thanks,

    • It’s been fun answering them, though I can see that I could have done a better job in some cases, but I do put together a bunch of questions for the Special Interest Groups I host monthly, so I’m kind of used to it, but still. I’ll learn. 🙂

  2. I just had a “it’s a small world” moment when you described your 3rd collar recipient.

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