Questions for Dominants 08

9.      What is the quality you find hardest to deal with in a submissive, on a personal level?

Actually, I find the same quality hard to deal with on any level.

I hate brats.

I really seriously do.

I am more than fine with confident and competent submissives.

I am good with a submissive that has opinions, even those strongly held, even if they are at odds with my own.

What I cannot stand is a submissive with a smart mouth and a defiant kind of attitude.

Now, if you like that and your submissive behaving that way, with the sort of hands on hips and stuck-out tongue, well, ok.  Go for it.

However, please keep her or him away from me, because I will not find it charming or cute or adorable.

I will mostly think the submissive poorly behaved and the dominant not demanding enough.

Again, for the warning, if you like that, if your dominant likes that, if that’s what works for you, well, fine and dandy for you, but it does not strike me as particularly in keeping with the express dynamic of power exchange.

I think that the reason it so bothers me is that the single quality I most expect a submissive to have is a willingness to obey.

I don’t want to fight you for your submission.

In fact, I won’t fight you for it.

If you do not want to kneel in front of me, then the door is there and I assure you, I can replace you before the spot where you knelt grows cold.

Obedience and submission has to be offered willingly, and with knowledge of what is offered.

The idea of the “gift” of submission has always annoyed me, because it makes it sound somehow MORE special than dominance, or a little too romance novel-esque, or maybe as if it’s something that can be taken back at any moment.

However, the idea that one recognizes what is given, and gives it willingly, well now, that’s HOT.  That’s what makes the blood sing through the veins.

In my book, submissives have power, brats have attitude.

If you claim no power, you can offer me none.

And powerful people are not the ones with hands on hips and tongue sticking out, are they?

To be fair, I think brattiness can often be an early step in the power exchange relationship.  It can feel, I imagine, pretty scary and probably a little self-conscious, to come to this dynamic originally.

I would guess that that brattiness can be a little like the brattiness children often exhibit when they are trying to exert their independence.

In effect, in both circumstances, the child and the submissive, is saying, “Make me!  I dare you!”

I imagine, too, it can be easier for the dominant who is new to dominance to exert power over a brat, because it’s almost knee-jerk.  “Yes, I WILL make you!”  I would think it might be easier to be the dominant when you’re “pushed” to it.

Maybe that’s part of why I dislike it so, too, because it seems so manipulative.

For me, it isn’t about whether or not I can make you do something.

It’s about whether or not I can make you WANT to do something.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 9, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. O, i love the way you describe this. Our thoughts on D/s are so similar here, and you say it so well.

    aisha

    • But I imagine that’s because we have such similar views. I really don’t see any victory in having to wrestle power from someone, I don’t WANT it that way. If you don’t want to give it to me, I most certainly don’t want to take it.

      It’s kind of like the difference between seduction and rape. I can make you WANT to give in and to give to me, but if I have to force it? No, thank you, not for me.

  2. I agree with this whole-heartedly. I have never been one for the brat attitude. It drives me nuts. I’m all for some sass every once in a while, as I am a fun loving guy, but having it on a constant basis is rather annoying. As you elude to, I would much rather have someone that wants to give me what they have to offer, once I earn and deserve it, of course. Not someone I have to constantly take it from. Yes, there are times that a little force and coercion are necessary , but as a general rule the sub has to want to and desire to submit…at least for me. Very well said…nice post!

    DV

    • I KNOW! I there ANYthing appealing about that attitude? If there is, it totally escapes me.

      The other thing that annoys me is that there seems to often be a bit of the undercurrent that you have to be MADE to behave and you are so NOT submissive that it takes a SPECIAL dominant to control you.

      To me, all that says is that you are not being honest about what you want and someone else is letting you get away with it because they don’t know how to control it. Icky.

  1. Pingback: Part V ~ Questions for Dominants « aisha

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