Questions for Dominants 09

10.   Do you have close friends of your own orientation?  How many of your close friends share your orientation and gender?

One of the reasons I think this question is interesting is two-fold.

One is, I think men as a rule have fewer friends, or at least close friends, than women, and also underestimate how important friends are.

Two is, I think one of the ways you judge someone is by their friends, and if they have no friends of their own orientation, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad, but I think it’s worth noting.

Women have friends, I think, because we like to share, that’s how we connect.

Men, I think, don’t look at friendships so much as we do.

So, yes, I have friends of my own orientation.  I would list Ms Tammy and Ms Kendra as two of my closest friends.

They are both female dominants who identify as Masters and who own slaves.

I am probably an anomaly in most of the world because I have the luxury of having a lot of lifestyle friends.

I can count on one hand people whom I would consider a relatively close friend who are NOT involved in kink in some acknowledged and public forum, and even they know of my interests and activities, at least generally.

I have friends of almost every orientation, though I can’t think of any male submissives who are really friends and nothing more.

I can think of two or three or four that I do consider friends, but there is always subtext there.  The ones I call friends now are also all ones with whom, at one point or another, I’ve had an intimate sort of D/s relationship.

Usually we are “friends” because what else do you call someone with whom you are friendly, even if there’s  lot going on behind that?

I don’t know that it’s impossible to have friends of your preferred demographic and have none of that involved, but I think it’s harder, and I’ve never had it work out that way.

I have a fair number of male top friends, though none as close as my female friends.

I have a lot of female submissive friends, too, though I think it’s hard for those to exist, too, without some of the D/s vibe.  My fem sub friends hover around me and wait on me and, on occasion, worry over me.

I think a lot of it is simply because that does tend to be how women express love, they take care of you, and we ritualize and recognize that more than your average community.

I think friends keep me honest and I know they keep me sane.

I think friends are the ones who care enough to say, you seem not to be yourself, are you sure this is what you want to do, and then stand with you when it turns out they were right.

I don’t believe in loyalty beyond reason.  If I am wrong, please, tell me, preferably in a polite and kind way, and if I am pig-headed enough to go on and do it, and it was wrong, I don’t expect you to tell me I was right, but I do kind of expect you to stand by my motives and judgement, even if it’s not behind the action.

You don’t have to tell me that creating Frankenstein was right, you can even point out to me that it wasn’t as we scamper up the castle steps.

But I expect you to be up there with me when the villagers with the torches show up.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 10, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I like your take on this, and I think you are spot on with the issue of friends. Especially the pitch fork and torches bit. 🙂 Wolf and I have been enjoying your answers to the questions. He wrote out his and I’m posting them on my blog tomorrow.

  2. You have to know your friends, and know who to stand with. And who stands with you, pitchforks and torches be damned.

    I look forward to reading Wolf’s answers.

  3. I don’t think I know which guy friends would stand with me, pitchforks, torches and all – but I know which of my women friends would!

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