Questions for Dominants 11

12.   Do you feel personally that you were born a dominant or did circumstances in your life make you dominant?

I think it’s both.  Nature and nurture.

I think I was given to being a dominant.  In another reality, I’d have been a kick-ass slave, too, but I’d have been a slave, not a submissive.

I couldn’t do it now, I am too settled in and too comfortable with my role, but 20 years ago, who knows?

Had I never found, however, what I consider a healthy way to express my naturally dominant personality, I think I’d have been pretty miserable as vanilla.

I’d have been one of those bitchy women who nag, and make those horrible passive-aggressive remarks.

I think circumstances, too, also made me dominant.

I have talked about growing up poor.  I remember at 5 years old being seriously worried about money in a sort of adult, “What will we do?” kind of way.

I was, no doubt, channeling my mother, but without the adult understanding that there were some safety nets available, including friends and government both.

I felt out of control as a kid.  Always worried about money.  The house we lived in was not well-built, or at least didn’t appear to be, though it withstood the elements for a number of years.

But I remember worrying about what we would do if the siding came off, if the roof blew off in one of the hurricane-force winds that were relatively common, what we would do if a car ran into the house itself, since the bedroom walls formed the property line at the street.

I remember lying in bed and feeling the wind move the wall my bed was against, and wondering what we would do if…

My father died when I was very young, my mother did not live near her family.  My brothers are a decade older, meaning they were gone pretty early and it was only me and my mother.

My mother was older, too, older than any of my friend’s mothers, so there was also always the worry about what I would do if something happened to her, what would become of me.

I think that a big part of the reason I am dominant is, I think that if I’m in control, I can make things come out right.

I won’t have to worry about what we’ll do if I’m the one doing it, maybe.

On the other hand, had I not had a girlfriend who was interested in bondage, would I have really found kink?

If I hadn’t found the right people at the right time, I don’t know.  Maybe not.

But I did, thank the fates.

Now instead of people using “bossy emasculating bitch” as an insult, it’s said with respect.

I can live with that.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 12, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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