Questions for Dominants 13

14.   Have you had relationships which evolved from vanilla to kinky?

16.   Do you, or would you, have intimate vanilla relationships as well as kinky ones?

These questions seemed to go together to me, so here they are.

I have never had a relationship that truly evolved from vanilla to kinky.

My relationship with my first girlfriend was vanilla outside the bedroom, but we were kinky in the bedroom from pretty early on, early enough that I don’t remember when that wasn’t a component.

My next girlfriend was very vanilla, as was our relationship. There was no kink whatsoever, though there were certainly a lot of power struggles, too.

I have never really had a significant relationship with any other woman, not anything that could really even be called a relationship – I’ve had a few playmates that were female, but that’s uncommon, at least in terms of ones that I really enjoy.

I’ve never had a really vanilla relationship with a man, even the couple that didn’t start with kink were either so short-lived as to barely make worth counting, or at least contained some kink components.

And that rather leads to the next question. Would I have a vanilla relationship?

At this point in my life, part of the issue is, even if I did want to pursue a truly vanilla relationship, kink is such an entrenched part of my life, that would be difficult in the extreme.

My friends are mostly all kinky, my social calendar is filled with mostly kinky events.

My house is filled with kinky souvenirs – photos and flyers and books and magazines and toys and ropes on the bed.

It’s pretty hard to compartmentalize that, so if I’m going to actually talk to you, or have you in my house, or you’re going to meet any of my friends, you probably at least need a head’s up.

And the problem with a head’s up, particularly if you are giving that head’s up, you’ll pardon the pun, to a member of the male gender, they are either really fascinated by the idea that you might tie THEM up, or they’re terrified you might tie them up and they’d LIKE it, and either way, it becomes the giant elephant in the room.

It’s hard to explain that it’s so much part of who and what you are that it is, in the end, not a big deal.

It’s kind of like if you found a bizarre little enclave of straight men, men who had never seen or touched actual women, but they had heard about them and read some about them.

At least for most of us our gender is so intrinsic to what and who we are that we cannot divorce ourselves from it. Because of that, it is kind of old news, because we can’t really compare it.

If you ask me what it’s like to grow up without a father, I cannot say, because I have nothing else to compare it to.

Someone who lost a father at age 10 has an experience of both having a father and not having a father, meaning that they can compare. If you only have one experience, you cannot contrast it.

So being kinky is such a part of who I am that I don’t really want to spend that much time talking about it, but you kind of need to know it.

So, on that rather convoluted note, I think I shall call an end to this particular question.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 16, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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