Questions for Dominants 15

17.   Do you have rituals and protocols that you require your submissive(s) to follow?

It’s funny, I do classes on rituals and I do love them, but I don’t use as many as people expect, I imagine.

I have to say one of the very few rituals that I really do expect is that I expect them not to eat until I have taken a bite. drew rarely forgets, and apologizes if he does.

I don’t normally test them, but I do pay attention to that. I will overlook the occasional slip without comment, but if it became frequent or regular, it would be brought up.

My slaves don’t call me by my first name unless it’s in a place where it would be odder not to, and drew often calls me Mistress around vanilla types, too, because he’s so used to it he forgets. He normally, though, either calls me Mistress or Darling.

He calls me Baby, too, usually in a semi-hipster sort of way. If you know drew, you know EXACTLY the tone I mean, and if you don’t, I can’t explain it.

He was trying to get me and a friend through a doorway this evening, in fact, and said to us, “Come on, pups!” He’s also called me Buddy, by accident, too, rather than Baby.

I don’t think slave thomas has ever called me by my first name, and I doubt he ever even uses it in his head. He also met me under different circumstances.

I knew him somewhat but not especially well and wanted to have a chance to chat with him and see what he was looking for, in terms of the kind of relationship, so I invited him to have dinner with me in a week or two.

He accepted, but apparently spent the whole time from the time I told him I’d like to meet him until when we did alternating between being thrilled that maybe I might be interested in him and being terrified that he had done something wrong and was being called on the carpet.

Not something that would lead to thinking of me by my first name alone.

When thomas brings me his collar, he does kneel and offer it to me and I take it. In one sense it’s not a ritual because it was never formalized at all, but I’d miss it if it wasn’t done.

All things equal, I prefer them on my left, but I’m more interested in where I’m sitting and who is where, so where they sit in relation to me is more dependent on who else is at the table and where the table is placed.

I always want my back to the wall, unless it means I have to squeeze in and out to get around, and then it’s a tough choice for me as to which I’ll give up to get the other.

I do follow common protocols with my Master’s cover, so they need to know them, too. They certainly wouldn’t take it from me by the brim and leave it upside down on the table, for instance.

If you want to make a slave REALLY nervous, take off your cover and say, “Here, hold this for me.” They’re terrified they’ll leave a fingerprint on the brim or hold it wrong or, God forbid, drop it.

Certainly I expect doors opened and packages carried and drinks fetched. I don’t have a ton of rituals about it, though.

I expect them to be polite, to generally call people Sir and Ma’am, to offer assistance whenever it looks like someone needs help, but those aren’t things I ever had to ask for, they are both gentlemen and did all of those things on their own. Their parents and the Boy Scouts trained that part.

drew is an Eagle Scout, in fact, and there are a disproportionate number of them in the community. I think I know eight or ten, in a fairly limited number of people, and there aren’t all that many of them to begin with.

So do I have other rituals? I think I probably have more expectations than rituals, actually, now that I think about it. I think there are more times when I expect something to be done, but I’m not particularly focused on the path leading there, so long as it’s generally straightforward and doesn’t have too many detours.

You can, however, take the interstate or the back roads, however you choose, so long as the destination is the one I have set.


So, I did have lunch yesterday with aisha and the Cookie Slut herself. CS and I had to go and buy t-shirts for the Fringe Element group, and aisha and I have been trying to do lunch for a month or three and just hadn’t been able to make it happen.

It was a lot of fun, we chatted about a lot of things and yes, I did do an impression of the hawk on the pool cover taking a birdbath.

Perhaps the funniest thing, though, and the biggest indication of either how small the city really is, or how large the kink community is here, the three of us were sitting at an outside table because it was a lovely day.

As we’re chatting, CS looks up and says, “Oh, hi, Ben.”

Ben, whom we know from munches, waves back, as he walks down a very busy area of the city, as if seeing him bopping down the sidewalk of a busy street, this guy whom the three of us all know from a pretty marginalized and a somewhat invisible community.

That’s actually kind of cool, huh?

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on October 18, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hmmmm, I’m amazed by the Eagle Scout link. I wonder if it is a strange happenstance or if there truly are more in the kink community. Are there more as submissives, Dominants or switches, to the best of your knowledge.

    • Interestingly – or maybe not, who knows? – were mostly all switch-y bottoms, the kind of people like drew who are perfectly ok being on the bottom so long as the person on Top is good at it, or good at being in charge if you’re not.

      One of them was nearly the youngest Eagle scout ever named, but missed it by a few months and a delay in paperwork, and was one of the switchiest people I have ever known.

      I can only think of one who was a Top, and he was not anyone I knew, but a submissive who told me her Master was, too, at an event somewhere when I commented on it.

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