Kink First – My First Scene

So, perhaps this is a bad title because, to be truthful, I don’t remember my first scene.

But doesn’t it seem like the next kind of first?

So, anyway, though I don’t remember it, there are things I do remember about those kind of firsts.

I remember my first girlfriend kind of ashamedly asking me to tie her to the bed.

I remember not being disturbed by it.  I don’t know that I had ever thought of it before, not really, but it didn’t shock or worry me.  It was more of a sense of, Oh, ok, well this is interesting, I wonder how you tie someone to a bed..?

I figured it out, btw.

I now have to re-rope my bed every five or six years.

You know, the rope slips or starts to fray or drops to some impossible to retrieve place…

The usual.

Anyway, I remember she really liked it.

I remember I let her once tie my hands together with a scarf over my head.

For about thirty seconds and then I kind of freaked out and demanded to be untied.

I never tried it again.

I tell people that I know how trustworthy I am and I wouldn’t let me tie me up.

I have some trust issues.

Anyway, I do remember the moment that the first submissive I had, actually knelt in front of me.

I remember being sort of torn between really liking it and thinking, ok, so what do I do NOW?

I figured that out, too.

I remember instances when I was still a lot newer at this than I am now, when I wasn’t quite sure what I’d do and that bothering me.

I still often don’t know what I’m going to do, actually, because I rarely plan scenes, but it doesn’t bother me anymore.

I found that if I planned a scene and then the scene turned out to be different, go to a different place, I felt disappointed, even when it was a great scene and a great time.

So I stopped planning.  Sometimes I’ll know what implements I’ll want to use in a particular way – I’ll want to use canes or maybe do a bit more rope than I usually do, something like that, but I never think, I’m going to start with X and then move to Y and finally close with Z.

So now, what happens happens.  It’s very Zen.

Zen and the art of Kink, as it were.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on November 15, 2012, in Kink and BDSM, Memories, Submissives and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Zen and the art of Kink… has someone written that yet? i’m pretty sure it needs to be written. Hmmmmm….

    🙂

    aisha

  2. There you go…I second where aisha is going with this. Your first book, Ms. Constance. 🙂

    Master has the same philosophy You do…he doesn’t plan a scene, goes with the flow, with what He feels, what He wants, and what He feels I need at any given point. I always come away wobbly, exhausted, and happy to my core, so I think Zen and the art of Kink is a pretty solid philosophy.

  3. The problem with being a control freak is, shhh, this is a secret, it’s hard to let go.

    I used to do watercolors. There are a few of them around my house, I wasn’t terrible at it, though I was never going to be GOOD. But I found it very therapeutic for me.

    You use decent paper and color and paints, not the best, but you make sure that your tools are the best you can afford.

    You prepare the paper, you paint in with water, at least in the kind of watercolors I liked best, and then you get your color what you want, and then…

    You touch the tip of the paint-loaded brush to the water-painted surface.

    You can’t do anything else, really. You watch the color flow, watch the way the color spreads, see how the intensity changes from side to side, and hope you did the best you could with your preparations.

    Kink is kind of like that to me. You lay your groundwork, you use the best tools, you understand the process, and then you let it flow.

  4. Aw, thank you.

    I expect to have some time over the weekend to actually catch up on comments and other blogs and such. I’m getting ready for our Bizarre Bazaar, and I’m in the process of finalizing a corset vendor for the event. I want to put my dining room back together and the drawers and shelves and countertop – I have the carcass of it already installed, but this will take the buffet to the point that I can actually put dishes away!

    And I’m glad all is well back in ‘nilla land.

    • Thank you, Ma’am! 🙂 I’m glad all is back to normal too (and I’m sure He feels the same way.) I have every faith that you’ll get your dining room back together…my work room is finally done, and everything has a place..it’s a beautiful thing to have it all behind me. Well…I still need to paint the trim on the french doors (i hate that part!)…but it doesn’t affect the use of the room at all.

      Love the idea of a Bizarre Bazaar…and a corset vendor? whoa…:) love that, too!

      nilla

  5. I like aisha’s idea for a book. 🙂 There needs to be better ‘information’ out there. That way we avoid things like that triptych of books recently published.

    As for a Bizarre Bazaar… Oh that would be so much fun. 🙂 If there was a ‘second hand table’, I’m sure Nilla has a few toys she’d give up. 🙂

    • I do think there’s a lack of “real” information available, about how real people incorporate this into their lives, at least available to the larger community.

      I suspect the rest of the country thinks this is either a BIGGER part of our lives than it is – we don’t do it all the time, every day, at least not the trappings of it. I am always the Master and slave drew is always the slave, but since he was putting the dining room cabinet together I finished polishing the silver and my arms ache from it. That never happens in one of those Shades of Gray novels, does it? We’d be too busy beating and being beaten to manage it.

      On the other hand, I suspect they don’t get how big a part of some of us it is, too. It colors so much of our lives, like our gender or our sexual orientation, so not EVERYTHING is about kink, but kink is sort of about everything.

      We probably will do a Kinky Yard Sale of some kind sometime. I’m sure I’ll blog about it.

      • I agree. There is a degree of understanding that seems almost impossible for the average ‘Joe” to wrap their brains around. No, we don”t live the ‘life’ 24/7/365, but at the same time it wraps around our lives like Ivy around a tower. the question then is whether the tower holds up the ivy or if the ivy holds up the tower.

  6. I don’t remember my first “scene” either. I don’t know exactly what I should be calling a scene for that matter. I didn’t consider myself kinky until about 1 1/2 years ago, although my husband (Master) and i have been doing the occasional bondage or play rape for the past more than 20 years. To both of us, that just made us slightly adventurous.

    At our first munch together, he introduced himself, and explained his role in all this as “vanilla”.

    I have asked him, and he doesn’t really plan ahead much either, just starts with something that catches his fancy and goes from there, sees where things lead, or what next catches his attention.

    • I never thought I was not kinky, per se, in that I got that what I was doing by tying someone to a bed, was kind of out of the range of normal.

      I think, too, that I like that part of it, though, I like the outlaw aspect, the sense of not being like other people.

      I think I succeeded, don’t you?

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