I hate insomnia. I really really do.
I’ve had bouts of insomnia most of my adult life, since my early 20’s.
I don’t fall asleep easily, I’m a light sleeper most of the time, and once I’m awake, it can be really difficult to go back to sleep.
I was really tired and sleepy last night after our Christmas dinner with friends, and I went off to bed while slave drew stayed up to watch something he likes and I don’t. I don’t remember him coming to bed, I was sound asleep.
At 4am I was cozy, sleeping well, and drew got up to pee then came back to bed and spooned against me, which in cold weather I love.
I am cold by nature, my hands are often icy, and while I like sleeping in a cold-ish room, if I’m cold, I’m miserable.
That woke me up enough, however, to make it clear I had to get up and pee.
I came back to bed and curled up, and nearly went back to sleep.
I was almost there, and then some random thought intruded, the internal look-a-squirrel moment, and then I was lost.
I lay until about 4:40 trying to sleep.
I played with my phone until about 5:45, with two attempts to go back to sleep.
At 5:45 I thought, fuck it, if I go back to sleep now it’s hardly worth it I have to be up in less than an hour, just long enough to REALLY go to sleep, the kind of sleep that the alarm jangles you out of and you feel worse than if you’d not slept, at lose ends and cranky.
So, I got up, let the dogs out, did some things in the kitchen, made a pot of tea, which was all ready for me – slave drew had left the pot so all it needed was the boiling water, and he’d cleaned up the kitchen before going to bed.
It’s miserable weather right now, the kind where the dogs literally started to dash out in their usual fashion and stopped, dead, in the doorway, then tried to back up and back into the den.
They had to be nudged outside for a quick pee run, which was exactly that, then they were all waiting on the steps, under the overhang of the eaves, waiting to come back in.
It’s a degree or two above freezing, which is a blessing because it’s raining to beat the band. Two or three degrees lower and it would be sleet and freezing rain. This is just miserable rain, and it’s supposed to rain all day, it looks like, and stay in the mid 30’s the whole time.
We have plans to see a friend tonight, but I believe I will endeavor to get him to come to me, meaning that, with luck, I don’t have to leave my cozy home today.
And my blog is written already, so I’m off the hook for the evening, meaning that once our friend leaves, I suspect it will be bedtime for me, and I’ll try a different mix of the sleeping potions I use.
I have some non-holiday topics rolling around in my head, too, I promise. Soon.