Attracting a Partner, Part 4

So, I’ve talked about knowing what you want, what you are looking for, what you will compromise on, all that.

I think it’s important to recognize that, however much you might dislike the thought, you may never find the relationship for which you are looking.

It’s possible.

Not a happy thought, maybe, but possible.

I think first you need to make a life that you can live, even if you never have anyone else to share it in the way you’d like.

I see people who put their life on hold until…

Well, until.

Until the fabled day when your life becomes perfect, when that life includes the perfect Master and perfect slave, or dominant or submissive, or whatever it is that you put there when you fill in the blanks.

Once you have that, well, then, your life will be perfect and everything will fall into place.

Unless that never happens.

Again, I don’t mean to be a downer there, but I think we all need to accept that our lives may never have all the things in them that we would like, whether those things are people or things, experiences or adventures.

One can either sit and wait for one’s life to begin and find, perhaps, that one has reached the end of it without it ever really beginning, or one can build a life that is at least full, even if it doesn’t contain all of our desires.

It is also true that most of us find the person far more appealing who has a life that is full and happy, even if they’d like to have more in it, as opposed to the person who sits and weeps about what they don’t have, focusing always on what is missing rather than what is present.

I do tend to be a half-full kind of girl, that’s probably obvious.

The old saying is, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, and I tend to think that’s true, or at least, when we are ready and our eyes are open, we see the opportunities around us.

When we have been realistic about what it is for which we are looking, when we have defined our terms and sifted our needs our from our wants, once we’ve done all that, I think that we can open our eyes to what might be out there.

I always encourage people to become involved.  For me, that means the kink community, but I do recognize that’s not for everyone.

I think if you’re looking for kink relationships, and don’t want to be involved in the kink community at all, then you’re missing out on a lot of opportunities, but that’s beside the point.

Find what interests you and pursue it, whatever that is.  Join a book club or take cooking classes or get involved in your church or volunteer at your local food kitchen or SOMETHING.

Again, I think it makes a great deal more sense to go to a munch or a kink gathering, and I think everyone needs to consider it, at least.  While your kink might be a private one, if it’s too private, finding anyone else who shares it is going to be challenging.

The person who interests me, at least, is someone whom, when I say, tell me about your hobbies and interests, lists a few things.  Things that are not all televised sports.

When your life is full, it’s amazing how much more likely it is that you’ll need to make room in it for more.  And if, to your great sorrow, you never have to do that, isn’t it better to have a life that is full except for this thing, as opposed to a life that has nothing in it at all?

 

And please remember to update your bookmarks for my new home on the web, which you can find here.

About MsConstanceExplains

Ms Constance has been actively involved in the BDSM/Leather community since the mid-1990’s. She is the Founder of the Louisville Munch as well as its hostess for ten years, from 1997 to 2007, and was christened as “Louisville’s First Lady” by her community. As a member of various BDSM/Leather organizations, she has been nominated for Pantheon Woman of the Year as well as regional awards, and has been nominated with her slave, drew, for Pantheon Couple of the Year. She serves as Special Events Director for the Great Lakes Leather Alliance. She produces the Bluegrass Leather Pride Contest, sending contestants to Great Lakes Leather Weekend, and was Presenters Committee Chair for Leather Leadership Conference 2010 Great Lakes/Ontario. She has produced and judged Leather events and contests, been instrumental in the organization and creation of various groups and clubs, advised and encouraged other communities and endeavors, and produced a performance by a BDSM comedian. Groups around the country use her writings in information and introductory packets, and she is an occasional columnist as well. She and slave drew hold the titles of Great Lakes Master and slave 2003.

Posted on February 3, 2013, in Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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